Thursday, 12 June 2008

Fitness tips for the fainthearted

How did I manage to come back from injury so quickly at my age, someone asked me at football last night, and did I have any tips on fitness training for the flabby or fainthearted? Here’s a routine that I guarantee anyone can cope with, courtesy of my personal trainer Melvyn.

The basic principle is to build up slowly. You don’t need any special equipment and you can do it in the comfort of your own living room. A couple of two-pound sugar bags will do for starters.

Ready to try it? Okay, hold one bag in each hand and raise each arm in turn, first to your side and then straight out in front of you. See how long you can hold them there, but don’t strain – the point is to build up slowly, holding the position for a little longer each day. After a while, you’ll be amazed by your progress. You can do the same thing to build up strength in your legs from a sitting position.

After a few weeks you may want to start using a couple of sugar bags at a time, or raise and hold both arms (or legs) at the same time. Again, don’t strain: build up slowly.

Once you’re comfortable with this level of exercise, give yourself a pat on the back. You’re now ready to move up a level. Try the same exercises as before, only this time with some sugar in the bags.


Fred said...

I was going to say, cutting out the sugar would do you a world of good! Is it still sold in two lb bags? At the market the other day a perplexed foreign woman asked me what the lb meant on the greengrocer's stall and why it was cheaper than the kg...

Steve Platt said...

I suppose the Americans still sell 2lb bags of sugar - or maybe they still do it by the pint, or peck, or whatever measure it used to be when the Brits started taxing it.

I know that in Cuba they used to sell it by the sack because I once read about a speech by Castro celebrating the production of the six-millionth sack. I seem to remember he said that it was the 'symbolic six-millionth sack' because you couldn't be sure which was the actual six-millionth one. Whatever he said, I'm sure he said it at very great length as part of a planned socialist sugar-sack fitness programme.

melvyn's mate said...

Try this one.

A man was terribly overweight, so his doctor put him on a diet.
'I want you to eat regularly for 2 days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for 2 weeks. The next time I see you, you should have lost at least 5 pounds.'
When the man returned, he shocked the doctor by having lost nearly 60lbs!
'Why, that's amazing!' the doctor said, 'Did you follow my instructions?'
The man nodded. 'I'll tell you what, though, I thought I was going to drop dead on that 3rd day.'
'From the hunger, you mean?' asked the doctor.
'No, from the skippin'